Scott Morrison to star in new drama series.

Prime Minister of Australia Scott Morrison will play the lead role in God UnFriended Me, set to stream across multiple platforms from October. The innovative series recounts the events which lead God to unfriend Morrison on Facebook and to eventually dissociate himself from the Pentecostal Christian altogether.

The series opens with the smirking face of Morrison as he accepts a friend request from God. The first episode then proceeds with a dramatic and heart-wrenching comparison of the lives of Morrison’s daughters and the daughters of the Muruguppan family, who have been denied the right to live peacefully in Australia despite the fact that both daughters were born in Australia. Episode one also highlights the central role of the Pentecostal Church in Morrison’s life and God’s great love for his loyal Christian Soldier.

Throughout the series, Morrison proudly displays his Pentecostal faith, his links to Hillsong boss Brian Houston and his close ties with The Almighty. Viewers are led to believe that Morrison’s faith and relationship with God underpin all of his political decisions. In episode 2, the blissful relationship between the prime minister and his God begins to disintegrate.

The confronting and gripping second episode opens with images of the climate crisis, as frightening as any imagery from the Old Testament. The somber reality of an uninhabitable planet is then explained in the context of Morrison’s devotion to the fossil fuel industry. At this point, God is seen to disapprove of Morrison’s determination to allow resource companies to continually destroy his greatest creation.

Morrison seems blissfully unaware of the impending doom, but is photographed building a replica of Noah’s Ark under the guise of building a cubby house for his daughters. Episode two leaves viewers guessing if the construction of the ‘cubby house’ indicates Morrison’s admission of a future full of floods and natural disasters, or a desperate desire to win back the approval of God.

Throughout the following episodes, God is seen to grow frustrated after the prime minister campaigns for re-election on a promise to turn back asylum seekers, which contravenes human rights laws and God’s call to ‘love thy neighbour’.

Morrison is also shown to ignore the meaning of ‘blessed are the poor’ when he refuses to raise welfare payments while offering tax breaks to the rich. He also ignores the plight of women and Indigenous Australians. God then takes to Messenger to remind the PM to read relevant sections of the Bible which outline the teachings of Jesus and the need to treat all human beings with dignity and respect. Morrison ignores the messages.

While God grows weary of Morrison for general ethical and moral failures, he disapproves strongly of a direct challenge to the Ten Commandments. When deputy PM Barnaby Joyce commits adultery, Morrison refuses to sanction the National Party member and God loses patience with both of them.

Finally, God is no longer able to endorse his once loyal Christian Soldier, and he threatens to sue Morrison for defamation. He also suspects Morrison is becoming increasingly devoted to Rupert Murdoch. Morrison, meanwhile, is seen to plead with God and promise The Almighty that he is doing everything in His name.

Eventually, God officially unfriends Morrison on Facebook and the series ends on a cliffhanger as viewers watch Morrison deciding whether to seek solace in the arms of Gina Rinehart or Rupert Murdoch.

God Unfriended Me streams via Facebook and all other streaming services available in Australia from October 1.

Image: Craig Greenhill

Australia’s most popular actor revealed.

Australians are in shock after a recent survey revealed that the country’s most popular actor is Scott Morrison and not international superstars such as Hugh Jackman, Cate Blanchett, Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Mel Gibson or Chris Hemsworth.

“Scott Morrison pretends to be Prime Minister,” stated the survey’s authors when explaining the surprising result, “…and good actors pretend.”

“An actor attempts to convince the audience they are someone they are not, and Morrison has done that very successfully since he back-stabbed Malcolm Turnbull to become PM in 2018. Morrison is clearly not a leader, but he played the part so well that he fooled more than 50% of the voting public and was re-elected in 2019. That is a masterful piece of acting.”

Stunned observers and members of the public argued that all of the actors listed above have a far greater international standing and profile than Morrison, and are all more popular. In response, experts referenced a number of key factors which earned Morrison the top spot.

“Firstly, consider Morrison’s nicknames: Liar from The Shire – all actors ‘lie’ about being the character they portray and Morrison clearly does this expertly. Scotty From Marketing and Scotty from Photo Ops also suggest an obsession with image, a veneer, a facade, and a well-honed persona. In other words, a character. Morrison is a persona, who appears relentlessly at the football, behind the wheel of a truck, drinking beer, doing handyman jobs. More discerning audiences automatically identify the flaws in all of those performances, but the masses don’t, and the masses vote, which is why a huge number of them voted for him in this survey. Furthermore, Morrison does nothing. Apart from photo ops, he does nothing, yet he is still far more popular than the opposition leader. That’s acting!”

Puppet power.

“Of course, it doesn’t hurt having the boss of 20th Century Fox in your corner. In fact, many would argue Rupert Murdoch is Morrison’s creator and puppet master, and none of the aforementioned actors have that kind of powerful support driving their popularity or careers. In contrast, Hugh is a good friend of Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner”

Survey authors offered more insights into the results. They stated that actors must persuade audiences to suspend disbelief, and that Morrison and his huge PR team do that so well. In contrast, everyone knows Hugh doesn’t have steel blades popping out of his knuckles. Everyone knows Cate is not an elf, and Russell is no master of the sword. Mel didn’t free Scotland with nothing more than a kilt, and Nicole never rode a BMX down a waterslide. Chris finished behind Morrison in the survey because he obviously doesn’t command a flying hammer, but there is another reason he failed to win.

“Aussie men are intimidated by Chris’ impossibly-chiselled physique, whether they admit it or not. No one is intimidated by Scotty in speedos.”

Not only is Scotty more popular than Australia’s best actors, he is probably earning more than all of them. The PM collects a handsome salary, while COVID-19 has halted production of movies, TV series and theatre shows, so even the richest actors are earning very little right now. Compounding this is the Morrison government’s refusal to allocate adequate funding to the Arts and Entertainment sector in Australia despite the financial blow of the global pandemic. Cynical observers asked if Morrison deliberately withheld funding knowing that it would increase his chances of topping the survey, to which organisers replied:

“Well, he craves popularity”

Image: Benoit Debaix

Scott Morrison changes national anthem just weeks before the Olympics.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has dropped the word ‘Advance’ from the Australian national anthem and has instructed the IOC to play the new anthem if Australians win gold at the Tokyo Olympic Games. The national hymn will now be known as ‘Australia Fair’ after Morrison made the shock announcement from Parliament House.

“Australia is not advancing,” he stated.

“If anything, the country is going backwards, so keeping the word ‘advance’ in the title and in the anthem is misleading.”

“If Australia was advancing, we would embrace renewable energy and phase out fossil fuels. If Australia was advancing, we would respect Indigenous Australians and the world’s oldest surviving culture. If Australia was advancing, women would be paid equally and treated fairly. If Australia was advancing, koalas would not face extinction. If Australia was advancing, our national broadband network would work. If Australia was advancing, women would not be getting harassed in parliament house. If Australia was advancing, public education would be adequately funded and literacy and numeracy levels would improve. If Australia was advancing, Rupert Murdoch would not have so much control of our media. If Australia was advancing, Clive Palmer would not be able to influence the outcome of a federal election. If Australia was advancing, most federal coalition politicians would have been sacked for their corruption or immorality. If Australia was advancing, we would not lock up asylum seekers indefinitely. If Australia was advancing, Pauline Hanson would still be selling fish and chips. If Australia was advancing, the populace wouldn’t be easily swayed by slogans and nicknames. If Australia was advancing, we would not be destroying The Great Barrier Reef.

“If Australia was advancing, I wouldn’t be prime minister, so it was imperative that we drop that word from the anthem before I announce the next election.”

Morrison first changed the anthem in December 2020. He changed the second line from “for we are young and free” to “we are one and free”. The change was the only work he did all year, and earned him a Christmas holiday. Following this most recent change, he is expected to take another holiday with Jen and the girls.

Official instructions have already been sent to schools, government departments and every athlete so far chosen to represent Australia in Tokyo, informing them of the changes.

Meanwhile, Australians and the media were left shocked at the sudden announcement. Many are angry that they were not consulted and are dismayed that the national hymn can be changed permanently with such ease, and some wanted to know if the word advance can ever be returned to the song.

“Only if my party gets voted out,” answered Morrison.

One perplexed citizen commented on social media that Australia Fair is the name of a giant shopping mall in Southport on the Gold Coast, Queensland. He questioned whether a national anthem should take the name of a large, soulless, characterless, generic shrine to capitalism full of stupefied citizens, to which Morrison replied,

“Of course. That’s the country I’m creating”

Image: http://www.worldatlas.com

Australia: the dumnation.

Australia continues on it’s path to dumnation. Intellect is spurned and academia is neglected, our economy is dumb and education is disrespected.

Australians are gullible.

A leadership challenge gave us a prime minister who is nothing more than a re-branding exercise for the Liberal National Party (LNP). At the time, Scott Morrison was called the caretaker PM. Some even referred to him as the night-watchman in reference to a tactic used in cricket in which a less competent batter is sent in for the last moments of a day’s play, in order to protect the more competent batters for the following day. If the night-watchman is dismissed, it doesn’t really matter – he is expendable, a sacrifice to protect the team. Morrison was a sacrifice, a less competent politician chosen to fill a gap. Then Australians voted him back in. They fell for the PR spin of the carefully-crafted persona, a man devoid of substance who is himself a marketing man. Australians continue to succumb to the marketing spin and support a man who is leading the country on the path to dumnation.

A carefully-crafted persona has kept Morrison in office. He is successfully sold as the daggy Dad, the typical Aussie bloke who loves beer and footy. He occupies his days with endless photo opportunities. Photo opportunities that are lame, predictable and vacuous, but successful. In his latest photo opportunity, he pretends to nail gyprock into a wall. He holds a hammer and pretends to hold a nail between his fingers. Only, he’s not holding a nail. A quick zoom in of the image reveals he’s holding fresh air. The Australian prime minister can’t even pretend to hammer a nail in correctly. For a man who is nothing but photo opportunities, this is a major failure.

He is sold as a leader of the workers, a man who identifies with the construction worker, farmer and tradesman (yes, tradesman, not woman), and yet he and his PR team can’t even manage a staged photo opportunity. Does it matter? Does it diminish his standing in the eyes of his new constituents? No, they still fall for the PR spin. Many experts predict he will win the next federal election. All Morrison needs to do is appear in high-vis, in lab coats, in footy gear or with his family, and Australians love him. It’s that easy.

The gullible Australian is a political creation. The Labor Party, and especially the LNP, have created the gullible Australian through the mainstream media and the public education system.

An uneducated population is easier to control. Leaders like the Sultan of Brunei know this, and deliberately underfund their public education systems. The current government also understands this. Government schools in Australia are grossly underfunded and teachers are overworked and underpaid. The nation ranks very poorly among OECD nations for basic educational standards in literacy and numeracy. It is impossible to develop critical literacy without basic literacy, and this motivates the current government’s attack on public education.

Citizens who lack critical literacy will not see, or even look, behind the marketing spin of the government. They will not question announcements and policy decisions. They can be fooled with targeted language, numbers and statistics, and controlled with slogans. The current government is a master of slogans – and the slogans work.

Tertiary education is also suffering. Universities are poorly funded, but for different reasons. Universities foment anti-establishment sentiment and dissent. Students and professors have a prerogative to reject the status quo, especially a status quo led by a conservative government. Universities often lead the dissent and robust discussion that is central to a functioning democracy. The current government has successfully stifled the debate that traditionally emerges from universities.

Technical education is also under threat. Funding has been stripped from TAFE (Technical and Further Education) colleges. The result is a labour shortage. Subsequently, labour was sourced from overseas (pre-COVID). Foreign labour disadvantaged local workers, who found less employment opportunities. Foreign labour benefitted large corporations, who could source cheaper, more compliant workers. Ironically, the tradies, labourers and construction workers who form the new supporter base of the LNP, are directly disadvantaged by their chosen representatives. They are one group of Australians who have voted against their best interests, but they are too gullible and uneducated to realise.

While the Labor Party has not attacked public education with the same vigour as the LNP, they have neglected the system for many years and left government schools crumbling. The undereducated masses blindly follow the current government on the path to dumnation.

Cool to be a fool.

Many Australian school students live by this mantra. It is considered cool to not study, not care and not pay attention at school. The attitude is typical of teenagers in many countries, but in Australia it stems from a cultural disrespect for authority and intellect. A country built on convict transportation from Britain naturally carries a disrespect for authority figures, including teachers, and this partly explains the behaviour of many students in class. Disrespect for intellect runs deeper, though. Australian identity is based on the images of the farmer, the soldier, the bronzed Aussie and the athlete – all exalted for physical prowess. None praised for intellectual prowess.

Australians can revel in this image for as long as they want. Other countries won’t mind. Other countries will leap ahead of Australia is education, technology, social policy, trade and economics while Australia celebrates its ignorance. Other countries will see Australia as an opportunity to be easily exploited.

Uneducated people passively consume mass media. Discernment and critique are nowhere to be found. Driving this consumption is one man – Rupert Murdoch. NewsCorp owns most of Australia’s national and regional newspapers, and the climate change-denying, racist, sexist, bigoted news empire is a powerful propaganda tool of the LNP. Not only does the news network spread propaganda, but it publishes content which is offensive in its quality. The simplified language is aimed at 13-year-olds. The content is over-sensationalised tabloid rubbish, and the targeting of people such as Indigenous Australians, left-wing thinkers, migrants, ethnic groups, environmentalists, women and other minorities is shockingly obvious to anyone with a modicum of intelligence. Unfortunately, this is lacking in its readers, and the Murdoch-led mainstream media is leading Australia on the path to dumnation.

At the same time, the current government is stripping funding and influence from the Australian Broadcasting Commission (ABC) because the national broadcaster is famously objective, admittedly left-leaning in some cases, and trusted for its history of investigative journalism. The LNP is weakening one of its critics, but in doing so is weakening an important community service. Victims of natural disasters such as floods and fires turn to the ABC for updates and information which literally saves lives. Gutting the ABC could cost lives, as extreme weather drives further natural disasters, and pandemics become more likely. Some of those who will suffer voted for the very people who are destroying this vital public service.

Australia exports almost nothing that requires a university degree to make. The country’s economy relies heavily upon mining and livestock agriculture. While intelligent, tertiary educated people work within those industries, the act of farming and mining are not complex. Mining involves digging a hole, and farming involves animal husbandry.

Such a simple economy is not economically sustainable. Especially in a globalised world in which other countries are deliberately and actively diversifying their economies to withstand changes and progress, as well as unexpected events such as COVID-19. Mining and agricultural exports suffered during the COVID-19 pandemic, with border closures interrupting export activity and transport. Countries and businesses in the IT industry, in contrast, prospered during the pandemic as anyone who had access to technology used it to stay in contact, stay connected, stay employed or stay sane. Australia, meanwhile, runs on a nationwide internet service whose speeds recently placed it at 61st in the world.

Slow internet speed has no justification. There is no excuse for such a poor national internet service. It is simply the result of political incompetence. A country with slow internet speed, in a digital age, is heading towards dumnation.

Mining and agriculture dominate Australia’s economy, alongside construction and tourism. International tourism has halted due to the pandemic, and it is impossible to predict when it will resume and pour more money into Australian businesses and the national economy. Income from foreign tourists was previously considered a guarantee for Australians, but the country is now paying the price for the failure to diversify the economy.

Concurrently, the nation is destroying the very thing which lures so many international visitors: nature. Tourists flock to the country to see the Great Barrier Reef, Uluru, pristine beaches, rainforests, national parks and native animals. Most of these are under threat from climate change, over-development, mining, agriculture and poor regulation. Failure to protect Australia’s natural wonders will damage post-COVID tourism as well as destroying the nation’s biodiversity.

Destruction of the natural environment is not unavoidable. It is the result of direct action by Australian people since colonisation. It is the result of actions which have given Australia the highest rate of native mammal extinction in the world, the largest per capita carbon footprint of any nation on earth, and the number two world ranking in biodiversity loss.

What’s more, scientists predict the possible extinction of koalas in the near future. Only a country on the path to dumnation would knowingly destroy one of its most famous and loved national symbols. How many tourists will visit Australia in the post-COVID world if they know they can’t see a koala?

An ignorant nation does not recognise the importance of its natural environment. An ignorant nation believes the lies perpetuated in the mainstream media. An ignorant nation believes the lies told by politicians beholden to the fossil fuel industry, and the agricultural and construction sector. An ignorant population is a sign of a nation on the path to dumnation.

A useful barometer of a nation’s intellectual health is its mass media consumption. In particular, it’s free-to-air television content. Reality TV dominates this content in Australia, and every year it sinks to a new low. Scripted, manipulative shows in which contestants are rewarded for their selfishness, greed, betrayal and lies are surging in popularity and dominate the content on every commercial station.

Voting habits also indicate a nation’s intellectual standing. Fringe parties based on extreme ideologies such as racism are growing in strength in Australia. One such party is Pauline Hanson’s One Nation, named after Australia’s most famous racist.

Parties such as One Nation win support through outrageous statements. They also promise without fear because they know they will never have to fulfil the promises they make, because they know they will never form government. Of course, every politician makes promises, and most of those promises are not kept, but fringe parties can make more outrageous statements and promises, and attract more of the disgruntled voters, because the members know they will never have to deliver, and will not be voted out for failing to deliver. Members of the major parties make empty promises, but risk being voted out at the next election if they don’t deliver at least some of their promises.

Unfortunately, the people who vote for the fringe parties don’t understand this dynamic. They are ignorant, ill-informed, lowly educated or simply quick to judge and condemn, and they believe the extreme statements and policy announcements of the extreme right wing candidates. They possess the ignorance of a Trump supporter, and are a symptom of a nation on the path to dumnation.

The path to dumnation is the path to damnation. Australia will be left behind economically, socially, intellectually, technologically and academically unless it develops a respect for the enormous intellectual talent which resides in the country. Australia’s brightest minds must be recognised because they will save the nation from dumnation.

Image: http://www.worldatlas.com

Slogans for Bogans.

Australia’s new rulers are beholden to bogans,

and win their support with cheap empty slogans.

True leaders lead and make tough decisions,

but bogans treat truth with ingrained derision.

Our leader needs loyal and fast-breeding bogans,

so keeps them on leash with cheap empty slogans.

How good are slogans, and an arrogant smirk,

for replacing policy or actual work!

The Almighty Rupert runs free propaganda,

for a party with nothing but cheap tricks and slander.

Slogans are cover for scandal and vice;

an ignorant bogan will never think twice.

JobMaker, JobKeeper, Homebuilder, JobSeeker,

just more PR spin while the nation gets weaker.

The bogans believe he is fighting corona,

thanks to the monster behind the persona,

the faceless and scheming marketing masters,

who shield their puppet from self-made disasters.

Go to the football, be seen to drink beer

and ignorant bogans will laugh, clap and cheer.

Follow a team that is not your own,

your slogans will keep you entrenched on the throne.

Back to the football, sink some more beers,

and do little else for four more years.

Fool all the bogans with stage-managed drinking,

and gut public schools to stop them from thinking.

Boast to the bogans, you turned back the boats,

tell them we’re gert by one giant moat.

Change just one word in our national song,

don’t dredge up the past, we did nothing wrong!

He fled to Hawaii with the nation on fire,

his bogans took selfies with Scott the Messiah!

The branding of ScoMo

Put progress in SlowMo,

But now real Aussies

Want ScoMo to GoMo

Image: http://www.nypost.com

Scott Morrison recruits Darren Lockyer.


Prime Minister Scott Morrison has appointed former rugby league player Darren Lockyer as the federal Minister for Women due to Lockyer’s dedication to the rights of women. The appointment ensures that the Liberal National Party will always contain one male member who has been involved in a controversy surrounding sexual assault.

Morrison persuaded the former Australian captain to join the coalition while they were both attending a summit to advance the interests of the fossil fuel industry. The prime minister was particularly attracted to Lockyer’s ability to make light of accusations of sexual assault.

“How good is Darren Lockyer!,” Morrison gloated while announcing the appointment.

“You know I love my footy, and I love Darren, even though he never played for the Sharkies,” he smirked.

“But no, in all seriousness, I’m very excited to announce Mr Lockyer as the new Minister for Women because he is a great role model for young Australian men who has a great empathy for women.”

The Queensland State of Origin hero created controversy in 2004 when he joked about an alleged gang rape involving players from the Canterbury Bulldogs team. As guest speaker at a function in Brisbane, Lockyer commented:

“St George, they won 11 premierships with one Raper. Imagine how many Canterbury will win.”

Morrison said good fortune led him the the new appointment.

“Gina ordered me to attend a conference for the resources sector in Australia, and after Rupert agreed, I cancelled all my other appointments and attended. Luckily, Darren was there in his role as ambassador for the coal seam gas and wider fossil fuel industry, so I chatted to him during the lunch break and invited him to Canberra.”

The smirk returned when Morrison explained:

“I did have to remind him though that I’m now the captain of Team Australia.”

The former Bronco will begin his new role immediately, and he is looking forward to the challenge.

“I love women,” he stated.

“I love making jokes about their suffering too, so when Scotty asked me to be his Minister for Women, I said yes straight away.”

Lockyer will work alongside a special group formed in response to recent allegations of sexual assault and bullying of women in parliament house. The group contains politicians such as Christian Porter, Barnaby Joyce, Peter Dutton, Alan Tudge and George Christensen, and will report directly to Morrison – except when the prime minister needs to claim plausible deniability.

Image: http://www.abc.net.au

Australian Museum of Democracy to open in Canberra.

A museum commemorating the existence of democracy in Australia will soon be opened in Canberra. The Australian Museum of Democracy will serve as a historical reminder of the days when democracy was a central pillar of the nation’s government.

The Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison, opened the museum recently and spoke glowingly of democracy as a prominent feature of Australia’s past.

“Democracy belongs in a museum,” he gloated.

“I am enormously proud to announce the establishment of the Australian Museum of Democracy in the nation’s capital, and I am equally proud to have overseen the destruction of that democracy.”

“The museum reminds all Australians of a time when governments acted democratically and largely in the interests of their constituents, and I encourage all Australians to make the journey to Canberra and look back with fondness at such an idyllic period in our history.”

“The delightful museum is located in Old Parliament House, which hasn’t been used for governing since 1988, and this is appropriate because there’s not much democracy in the new parliament house,” Morrison smirked.

The museum displays numerous artefacts from the nation’s democratic history since Federation in 1901. One section is dedicated to the Free press and recalls a time when media outlets were owned by numerous people and offered a variety of opinions on current affairs and politics. It also recounts the days when the federal and state governments were not controlled by the man who now owns almost all of Australia’s media, Rupert Murdoch.

Visitors can read, view and listen to news stories which reported the news, rather than simply reproducing government press releases or repeating the latest slogan from the government. Visitors can also learn about something called ‘investigative journalism’ and how this held society’s leaders to account.

Many younger Australians will be amazed to learn that mainstream news content was once more than just government press releases, celebrity gossip, reality TV show recaps and stories about football WAGS.

Genuine choice in parties

The museum also contains archival and historical relics detailing the days in which Australians enjoyed a genuine choice between political parties. The Liberal, National and Labor parties all stood for distinct principles, and while they came together during times of hardship such as war, they provided Australian voters with a genuine choice according to the voter’s world view.

Australians passing through the museum can also witness politicians making policies, not slogans, and parliamentary debates obsessed with producing laws, not sound bites. They can also read transcripts of opposition members challenging policy proposals of the government, instead of weakly acquiescing.

The remainder of the museum exhibits evidence of a time when the Australian government did not attempt to merge religion and politics or glorify war, and a time when the government respected the right of citizens to protest. Australians can reminisce on a time when border security was not a national obsession, and when particular racial or religious groups were not blamed for the nation’s every problem.

Australians can also look back on a time when politicians did not use exclusive nationalism to win votes and divide the nation, and when corporations were expected to pay tax and behave responsibly. Finally, Aussie citizens can look back at a time when the government was not attempting to spy on its own citizens, unless they were red and hiding under the bed.

Image: Aditya Joshi

P.S. The Museum of Australian Democracy exists. It is real. This article is satire, written to draw attention to the erosion of democracy in Australia by the current government. The actual Museum of Australian Democracy is in Old Parliament House, Canberra, and it houses a real collection of real archives depicting real events in Australia’s political history. Apparently it’s quite interesting and informative.

God sues Scott Morrison for defamation.

Almighty God has successfully sued Scott Morrison for $549,250 after proving that the Prime Minister of Australia has defamed the image of the lord our saviour. God proved beyond reasonable doubt that the words and actions of the devout Christian had brought the lord’s name into disrepute, during a hearing at the Court of Holy Omnipotence.

Morrison publicly celebrates his religion and is a proud member of Horizon Church in Sutherland, south of Sydney, but his actions as a junior government minister, and now as prime minister, have been decidedly un-Christian. During the lengthy court case, God drew particular attention to the following incidents as evidence of defamation:

Biloela Family – The family of Priya, Nades, Kopika and Tharunicaa Murugappan have been detained on Christmas Island since March 2018 after seeking asylum in Australia. They were forcibly removed from their home in Biloela, Queensland, where the two daughters were born. God raised Morrison’s refusal to intervene in the case on moral grounds as proof of un-Christian behaviour.

Two Masters – The Bible advises Christians to avoid serving two masters, but God easily demonstrated that Morrison’s serves both Rupert and Gina.

God’s Creation – The court found that Morrison’s support of the fossil fuel industry and his failure to protect the natural environment is destroying the planet that God created, and God was not pleased.

Our Father – Morrison and his PR team have carefully cultivated an image of Morrison as the ‘Daggy Dad’ and the lovable father of the nation – but God reminded the PM that only he is everyone’s father.

Blessed are the poor – The Bible also teaches Christians to help those less fortunate, including the poor. However, the court heard details of Morrison’s complicity in the Robodebt scheme, the disparity in school funding, the refusal to increase Newstart, and countless government policies which enrich big business.

Resting – God created the world in six days, and only rested on the seventh, once the job was complete – whereas Morrison has been resting every day since becoming prime minister.

Respect your elders – Countless Bible stories teach Christians to respect the elderly, but God highlighted Morrison’s central role in defunding Aged Care facilities, which left residents increasingly vulnerable to mistreatment, and to COVID-19.

Thoughts and Prayers – On a personal note, God chastised Morrison for responding to every crisis with nothing more than thoughts and prayers.

Morrison responded to the guilty verdict with a smirk.

Image: http://www.gettyimages.com.au

Scott Morrison stars in The Perfect Puppet.

The Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison, will perform the lead role in a rollicking new stage show called The Perfect Puppet, set to hit theatres this summer. The hilarious pantomime follows the jovial and bumbling lead puppet Scotty through an endless series of mishaps and misadventures with his band of hapless friends.

The stage show will be performed under the direction of revered puppet masters Rupert Murdoch and Gina Rinehart, and is sure to fill theatres during the Christmas holidays, especially since the show has been given special permission to ignore any and all social distancing restrictions.

The PM delivers an outstanding performance as the likable and bumbling protagonist Scotty who leads the audience through unforgettable scenes such as:

Jenny and The Girls

Holidays in Hawaii

Malfeasant Malcolm

Slogans for Bogans

I Dug A Hole

I Stopped the Boats, and…

I Fracked My Pants at Engadine Maccas.

Throughout the show, Scotty’s friends drag him into all manner of problems which look certain to destroy the popular puppet forever. But Scotty’s puppet masters and his deity save him from every situations and he escapes with merely a scratch.

“We had no hesitation in casting Morrison for this role,” stated Murdoch and Rinehart.

“He is the perfect puppet in every way.”

“His range is phenomenal. Throughout the show he transforms into characters as diverse as Daggy Dad, Captain Corruption, Captain Coal, Liar from The Shire, Scotty from Marketing, Sham Sharkie, the Misogynist, the Crazy Christian, The Denier and The Job Faker, all with his trademark smirk.

“The entire time, the audience is captivated by his on-stage persona and come to love him more and more.”

Morrison is said to have thrown himself into the role with his famed dedication and selflessness.

“His commitment to the role has been astounding,” continued Murdoch. “He even constructed his own puppet stage in the backyard to practice for the role – and got Jenny and the girls to rehearse with him.”

Morrison is expected to headline The Perfect Puppet well into 2021, or until Rupert and Gina find a more suitable lead puppet. Tickets for the live show are on sale now and can be obtained through any NewsCorp publication.

Images: Twitter, Craig Greenhill