Who else is guilty of Rainbow Washing?

Rainbow Washing is the process of using rainbow motifs to claim allyship with the LGBTQIA+ community in the place of any tangible action, and is common among individuals, governments and corporations. But can we use the term to describe another form of questionable behaviour?

Can we use it to describe the process by which LGBTQIA+ issues are promoted to distract people from unethical behaviour of organisations in other spheres?

AGL is the most famous perpetrator of this form of Rainbow Washing.

The Australian energy company was recently awarded Gold Employer status for LGBTQ+ inclusion at the AWEI Awards, while simultaneously earning the title of Australia’s biggest domestic contributor to climate change by Greenpeace. Greenpeace argues that AGL emitted 42.2 million tonnes of carbon emissions in 2019-2020. Greenpeace data confirms that the energy company creates,

“…24.6% of electricity sector emissions and 8% of Australia’s total emissions, which primarily comes from the coal burned at the energy giant’s three coal-burning power stations: Liddell, Bayswater, and Loy Yang A. AGL’s own data confirms that 85% of energy generated by the gentailer comes from burning coal.”

At the same time, AGL boasts publicly that:

“This is the third year we have been awarded Gold Employer status, and the fifth year that we have participated in the AWEI. Our employee-driven LGBTQ+ network, AGL Shine, was created in 2014. The network focuses on providing a safe and inclusive environment for all our employees – while also advocating internally and externally for gender inclusion beyond the heteronormative binary.”

Political correctness?

Ironically, organisations such as AGL could be accused of harnessing political correctness to protect their public image. Ironic, because the defenders of fossil fuels are often the loudest critics of ‘political correctness’. Essentially, organisations like AGL promote their diversity and inclusion credentials to stifle criticism of their environmental destruction by saying,

‘You can’t criticise us because then you’re criticising LGBT+ people, and that’s not politically correct’.

Consequently, LGBT+ people are being used and exploited in order to allow AGL to continue polluting.

Tim Wilson

To what extent did Australian former member of parliament Tim Wilson benefit from this definition of Rainbow Washing?

Wilson is gay and was widely praised for his role in the successful campaign to approve same-sex marriage in Australia, but to what extent did he exploit his sexuality to stay in power?

Wilson was involved in various controversies. There was no mainstream media investigation into strong allegations that Wilson was involved in immoral activities in the parliamentary prayer room with other prominent LNP politicians. The opposition Labor Party also called for his sacking due to alleged conflicts of interest and a “massive breach” of parliamentary conventions surrounding the use of a taxpayer-funded inquiry to spearhead partisan campaigning against Labor’s policy on franking credits. Then, of course, was yet another controversy when he claimed $37,494 from taxpayers in travel allowance after leaving Melbourne’s brutal COVID-19 lockdown for 95 nights during 2021.

Did Rainbow Washing keeping Wilson in power, or did former Prime Minister Scott Morrison?

The Easy Way Out

Promoting diversity and inclusion is easier than taking real action on other issues. Creating a safe space for LGBTQIA+ people is encouraging, but let’s not beat around the bush – how hard is it to be inclusive in 2022?

Encouraging diversity essentially means treating everyone equally. Even if AGL does genuinely support LGBTQIA+ people in the workplace, what exactly does this entail?

It involves affirming the Darlington Statement which articulates the human rights demands of people with intersex variations. A statement written by someone else.

Does it involve AGL, or other organisations, paying a diversity trainer or consultant to conduct training sessions on diversity with employees, or hosting social days to celebrate diversity?

Does it involve allowing all staff to choose their own pronouns and updating HR documents, or posting the rainbow motif on all social media platforms?

It might even include sponsoring a float in Mardi Gras or other LGBT+ events. It might involve targeted employment or other active steps. They might even make a difference to the lives of employees. But how much profit does AGL make in a year, and what percentage of that profit is spent on LGBT+ inclusion?

Either way, winning an award for diversity inclusion does not change the fact that AGL is still Australia’s biggest polluter.

Coca Cola

Joining AGL are multinational corporations such as Coca Cola, PepsiCo and Nestle. Coca Cola was ranked the world’s No.1 plastic polluter by Break Free From Plastic in 2020, ahead of rival PepsiCo, in second, and Nestle in third. The BFFP audit found that Coca Cola’s beverage bottles were the most frequently found discarded on beaches, rivers, parks and other litter sites in 51 of 55 nations surveyed. Last year it was the most frequently littered bottle in 37 countries, out of 51 surveyed. It was found to be worse than PepsiCo and Nestle combined: Coca-Cola branding was found on 13,834 pieces of plastic, with PepsiCo branding on 5,155 and Nestlé branding on 8,633, according to the audit.

At the same time, all three corporations boast of their inclusion and diversity policies.

Coca Cola claims that:

Diversity, equity and inclusion are at the heart of our values and our growth strategy and play an important part in our company’s success.

PepsiCo

PepsiCo, meanwhile, boasts on its website…

“…in 2015 PepsiCo demonstrated its commitment to LGBT+ consumers through its rainbow-colored Doritos.”

That’s right. It’s primary claim to LGBT+ inclusion and ethical business practices is rainbow coloured Doritos. This is a perfect example of Rainbow Washing. A perfect example of superficial change and marketing spin designed to protect the corporation from its plastic waste. Don’t forget, the packaging adorned with rainbows is soft plastic.

PepsiCo does go on to say that each rollout of the rainbow Dorritos raised funds for “…organizations including the It Gets Better Project, Fundación en Movimiento, Casa 1 and Cuenta Conmigo, Diversidad Sexual Incluyente A.C.”

Further to this, PepsiCo has also supported the LGBT+ community through social media campaigns to engage consumers and sponsorships of local pride parades around the world.

What were we saying about rainbow motifs and sponsorship?

Another word for ‘social media campaigns’ is ‘slacktivism’.

Furthermore, the funds donated to those causes were only available if consumers bought the product. Thus, a large percentage of the funds came from the public, not solely from PepsiCo.

Let’s also remember that Dorritos are very unhealthy and this initiative was implemented in North America and Mexico (which is technically in North America) and these two countries have some of the world’s highest rates of obesity, especially among children. The rainbow is thus also distracting the public from the company’s contribution to a public health crisis.

PepsiCo also reminds visitors to its website that:

In March 2019, the Human Rights Campaign awarded PepsiCo a perfect score for our LGBT+ workplace initiatives and designated us the Best Place to Work for LGBTQ equality. In the same year, PepsiCo was one of the world’s worst plastic polluters. A perfect example of Rainbow Washing.

Nestle

Nestle came in third for plastic pollution and carries an extensive list of diversity achievements on its website. Among these boasts are

Support of the UN’s LGBTI Standard of Conduct for Business.

Running workshops and e-learning for employees. See above.

Equal parental support benefits to same-sex and different-sex couples.

Partnering with LGBT+ advocacy groups throughout the world.

Offering unlimited financial support for medical costs to employees undergoing gender transition. Also in Brazil, we offer legal and administrative support to transgender employees who are in the process of recertifying their name and gender.

One might ask, how can a company afford to do all of this for its LGBT+ employees?

By covering the world in plastic waste.

Again, this is all encouraging, but Nestle ignores the fact that its vast plastic pollution destroys the natural environment on which everyone relies, regardless of their gender or sexuality. Praising efforts to promote diversity and inclusion while destroying the planet on which those people live is another perfect example of Rainbow Washing.

Image: Mateus Campos Felipe

Scott Morrison finally gets what he wants.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has finally been accepted as a real tradie after being exposed in a segment on A Current Affair.

Morrison was left floundering during an interview with host Tracey Grimshaw on a program which devotes itself to exposing dodgy tradies, repairmen and other occupations that Scott has imitated since becoming prime minister.

Viewers of A Current Affair watched Morrison suffer a ‘brutal takedown’ during the interview with Grimshaw, which aired on a channel which has been very sympathetic to the prime minister since he came to power. It came about the same time that Morrison rudely dismissed a journalist’s question as to why he has not appeared on NITV, the national Indigenous network, during the election campaign.

A Current Affair follows the formula of any modern commercial current affairs program. It runs countless stories exposing small-time cheats and scammers such as dodgy tradies, fridge repairmen, loan sharks, lawyers or small businesses, instead of pursuing big time cheaters such as political doners or the politicians themselves. It goes after very easy targets. If it does run stories on politicians, it is likely to be an ‘expose’ of a local council’s failure to repair a few potholes.

A Current Affair is nowhere near ‘investigative journalism’, and yet Morrison couldn’t even survive an interview on a show of this nature.

Ironically, Morrison has now been reduced to the status of the people he has been imitating in endless photo opportunities since coming to power. He has pretended to weld, drive trucks, use military hardware, bake, pour beer, build a cubbyhouse, run water for a football team and even wash a woman’s hair in a salon.

If only A Current Affair and its counterparts would run a story exposing his failure to be prime minister.

Image: Getty Images

Was it ScoMo or Hanson?

Who is responsible, Scott Morrison or Pauline Hanson?

Which of these Australian politicians is responsible for the destruction of yet more Australian wildlife?

Morrison and Hanson both handled wombats in recent years and now a large proportion of the nation’s wombats suffer from mange. Coincidence?

Mange is one of the biggest killers of wombats. The mange mite buries itself under the wombat’s skin triggering extreme itchiness which makes the wombat scratch, causing open wounds and scabs to form.  These become infected, the wombat loses condition, becomes dehydrated, malnourished and slowly dies. The good news is, it can be treated.

The Wombat Protection Society of Australia is working to eliminate that threat. WPSA is a national non-profit organisation created to raise awareness and money in order to provide wombats with immediate protection from harm. WPSA enhances quality of life, funds projects that develop and protect suitable habitat, and provides sanctuaries for Australian wombats.

Mange is considered to be the major health issue impacting wombat welfare. It is caused by the parasitic mite sarcoptes scabiei, and the society has brought attention and action to this issue by encouraging and supporting research and collaboration in the treatment and prevention of mange in both free living and in-care wombats.

Wombat conservation occurs throughout Australia but is carried out almost exclusively by volunteers. Very little government funding is provided to wombat protection groups, and Morrison and Hanson could change this; Morrison especially. Instead, both politicians exploited wombats for photo opportunities instead of substantially increasing funding for their protection.

The One Nation leader posed for a bizarre photo with a distressed wombat while campaigning. She straddled it before appearing to knee it in the back in a move that’s not even legal in the NRL or Super Rugby. That wombat is likely to be suffering a lot more than mange.

Morrison appears extremely uncomfortable handling the wombat during his photo opp, but one can’t expect a man to offer empathy to an animal if he can’t even offer it to humans.

Morrison and Hanson attract an equal amount of suspicion. Both are populist leaders more capable of slogans and photo opportunities than actual policy formation or genuine action. Both utilise racism and the gullibility of semi-literate Australians to maintain their power, and both have a terrible track record on issues of environmental sustainability during their terms.

So who gave the mange to Australia’s lovable native animals?

Was it Scott Morrison or Pauline Hanson?

Images: AAP, ABC

Our Tremendous Eastern Representative.

Dave Sharma is our tremendous eastern representative, but how well do we really know him?

We recently discovered that he achieved truly enviable results in his HSC, but that was more than 25 years ago, and Dave’s kids are now closer to their HSC exams than he is. Boasting about a score of 100% is fine for about 6 months after year 12, but doing so in 2022 seems like a tawdry egotistical reminder.

To all of you kiddies out there who have no idea what this article is about, TER stands for Tertiary Entrance Rank, and this term was used in NSW instead of ‘ATAR’ in the olden days.

Dave’s exultation arrived in our letterboxes inside his teal emulating resume, which was strangely devoid of the Liberal party logo. Why did he choose to omit the logo?

Is it because of his party’s targeted electoral rorting?

Perhaps Dave is distancing himself from the Coalition’s total environmental ruin. He wants you to forget his fearless leader’s love affair with coal and the party’s determination to run coal-fired power stations for as long as possible. He wants you to forget the treeless earth rampage that earned Gladys the nickname Koala Killer, and to ignore his government’s ruling to remove project-specific approval under national environmental laws, which helps explain why Australia has the most inadequate climate policy among developed countries.

Official records indicate that our Dave and his colleagues also voted against efforts to reverse the terrible extinction rates of Australia’s native plants and animals.

Perhaps Turramurra’s excellent ring-in also wants you to forget his party’s plan for a toxic economic recovery from COVID-19, and the fact that he toed the party line on transferring entrapped refugees to the mainland for medical treatment.

The Liberal National Party has also been criticised for its treatment of Australian women. It has been suggested that some elements in the party have been tirelessly erasing rape incidents in parliament house from the minds of everyday Aussies, and that his own fearless leader reminded protesting women that they should be grateful they weren’t shot.

But let’s not be too harsh on our Dave. His tender, enduring respect for women was on full display at Bondi Junction station on International Women’s Day, but, alas, the tragically erroneous romantic was unfairly attacked for handing out tokenism epitomising roses. Poor Dave.

Dave was also there, alongside his LNP colleagues, when they formulated policies on funding cuts that made an Aussie tertiary education redundant, and he comprised the team which allocated peanuts to thespians, entertainers and roadies during the COVID-19 pandemic.

There’s no better time than now to pay tribute to our tremendous eastern representative.

Image: Citizen’s Climate Lobby Australia

First published, in part, in The Beast magazine, April 2022.

Have You Seen This Man?

Authorities and welfare organisations are attempting to identify and locate a man seen wandering Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs pleading with local sporting clubs to become their no. 1 ticket holder.

The man is believed to have grown up in the region and is described as Caucasian, middle-aged, chubby and bespectacled, who is ‘…otherwise unremarkable aside from an affixed smirk which is equally arrogant and condescending”

The desperate man was first sighted in Bondi Junction wearing a Sydney Roosters jersey and baseball cap. Witnesses say he ordered a beer at Artie’s before approaching club bosses, muttering,

“How good are the Roosters!” and demanding to be made the club’s no.1 ticket holder for season 2022 and beyond.

The dejected figure was then seen in Kingsford a few hours later in cardinal and myrtle, claiming to be best friends with Rus. He ordered a beer at Henry Morris Bar and demanded to be made no.1 ticket holder of the Rabbitohs.

Stories of similar sightings throughout the East then emerged.

“Yeah, that’s the guy we saw a while ago,” confirmed club bosses at Randwick Rugby Union Club.

“Dressed in our jersey and scarf, ordered a beer and forced everyone to shake his hand. Kept saying; ‘How good are the galloping greens’ then said Campo’s gonna have a great season, and asked if the Ella brothers were all fit. We felt sorry for him until he demanded to be made no.1 ticket holder, then we showed him the door.”

Beasties stalwarts recounted their own tale of the listless wanderer.

“Seen some strange things at footy clubs, you know, boys will be boys, but this was bizarre. Decked out in full playing kit, even the shorts – not pretty – strolled into The Field and ordered a beer and insisted on meeting a board member. One of our execs decided to humour the poor guy, but when she introduced herself, he scoffed and demanded to meet a ‘real’ board member. That’s when our props did some lineout practice and dumped him on O’Sullivan Road.”

Authorities also received complaints about the unwelcome intruder from the Waratahs, Sydney Swans and Sydney FC, as well as Sydney Coastal Junior Cricket Club.

Sydney Coastal staff immediately contacted police after the man appeared at a junior competition saying,

“I know Dave Warner and Kaja, Kawi, Kijawa…you know, the foreign bloke.”

“We made it clear we want nothing to do with him – I mean, we’ve got kids at this club.”

Law enforcement and mental health experts have not identified a precise cause for the behaviour, which began in the lead up to the most recent federal election. Police are also investigating a possible link with an eerily similar case at Shark Park in early 2016.

Image: Craig Greenhill

First published in The Beast magazine, March 2022.

Scott Morrison faces yet another attack.

Embattled Prime Minister Scott Morrison is under more pressure after an online petition was launched to remove him as no.1 ticket holder of the Cronulla Sharks rugby league team.

The petition is called New no.1 Sharks fan and is yet another sign that the leader of Australia is becoming less and less popular with the public, just as he is poised to announce a federal election.

Morrison has been no. 1 ticket holder of the club since 2016 and is a familiar sight at home games at Shark Park. He often appears in team colours during photo opportunities and has made himself so synonymous with the region that he earned the nickname LiarFromTheShire.

The petition is proposing that Morrison be removed from the role for a number of reasons. It claims that he is an imposter because he grew up in the Eastern Suburbs and only started supporting the club after moving to The Shire. It also claims that changing a footy team halfway through life is ‘UnAustralian’ and that he should be replaced in the role by someone who has a proven link to the club and has contributed meaningfully.

The petition is currently collecting signatures from the Australian public and will reportedly be sent to the Sharks if it attracts enough interest. Club bosses will then be asked to put the proposal to a vote, and let registered members decide if Morrison stays or goes.

Image: Craig Greenhill

Cronulla Sharks to make massive call in 2022.

The Cronulla Sutherland Sharks rugby league club is searching for a new no. 1 ticket holder in anticipation of Scott Morrison losing the next federal election.

The prime minister became the club’s number 1 ticket holder in 2016 in order to win favour with the voters of The Shire, but will have no more need for the club if he loses the seat of Cook at the upcoming election.

“Scotty’s on his way out,” confirmed a club spokesperson, “so we need to find someone else to be our no.1 ticket holder. No one wants him anymore, and we’re pretty sure he won’t want us after the election, even if he makes it to the next election.”

Morrison became a familiar sight at Sharks home games in recent years, drinking a beer and smiling in his team kit. The photo opportunities helped to convince the people of The Shire that he was one of them, when in fact he grew up in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs and only moved south to earn pre-selection for the safe Liberal seat.

“People like to call him The Liar From The Shire, but the biggest lie is that he’s not even from The Shire.”

“Sure, lots of us were fooled by the PR spin at first,” continued the spokesperson, “but it’s hard not to be when the whole NewsCorp network is promoting him. But now we see through him. We all see the lies, the incompetence, arrogance, insincerity, bullying, corruption, double standards and mismanagement of him and his party.”

What’s more, an increasing number of residents in Sydney’s south are learning that Morrison used a dirty smear campaign against another candidate, run through the Murdoch press, to win pre-selection for the seat in the first place.

Club bosses expect Morrison to lose the seat of Cook later this year and to turn his back on the club as soon as it no longer serves his needs.

“Scotty might go back to the Eastern Suburbs or impose himself on another electorate, and another footy team, who knows. All we know is that we don’t expect him to be loyal to our club, I mean, look what he did to Malcolm.”

Sharks directors and members have made a tentative start to the search for a new no.1 fan, and have researched the no.1 ticket holders of other clubs in Australia’s major football codes.

“Penrith Panthers had Mark Geyer at one point, and Perth Glory had Dawn Fraser. West Coast Eagles had Sam Kerr, Richmond were with Ash Barty. St Kilda even got Eric Bana, but we got stuck with Scotty.”

Members expressed a degree of shame and regret at appointing Morrison to the position in 2016, but saw the advantage of him turning his back on the club.

“At least we won’t have to put up with that smirk every time we attend or watch a home game.”

Sharks members will be contacted soon to nominate a new no.1 ticket holder with a more legitimate claim for the position.

Image: http://www.sharks.com.au

Unvaccinated Australians denied welfare.

Australian citizens who refuse to be vaccinated against COVID-19 will be denied any form of welfare under a new law designed to protect the community and encourage vaccination.

Minister for Health and Aged Care, Greg Hunt, made the announcement in the final days of parliament for 2021, and said that the law will come into effect in the new year.

“Any Australian who chooses not to get vaccinated against COVID-19 will be ineligible for any form of government welfare,” Hunt declared.

“This new law applies to any Australian who chooses not to get vaccinated, without a legitimate reason such as a medical exemption. Australians who cannot provide official proof of vaccination when applying for welfare assistance will be denied that assistance until they agree to be vaccinated.”

The law was announced amid growing resistance to vaccination, vaccine mandates and pandemic-related laws throughout the country, including protests in Victoria which called for Premier Daniel Andrews to be hung. Many Australians have made the conscious decision not to get vaccinated, citing myriad reasons.

The law will take effect from January 1, 2022, and is bound to cause controversy among people who have lost their job because of their refusal to be vaccinated, and are thus forced to seek welfare such as Newstart.

“Unvaccinated Australians, who do not have a legitimate and proven exemption, have made the personal choice not to get jabbed. This not only puts their own health at risk, but endangers other members of the community at a time when the country is trying to get control over the pandemic and return to some degree of normality as soon as possible,” Hunt continued.

“Unvaccinated people delay the personal and economic recovery of the country and place an enormous burden on the public health system, and for that reason they will be denied any form of taxpayer-funded welfare.”

In addition to the withdrawal of payments, unvaccinated people will be denied entry to Centrelink offices and state-based service centres, such as Service NSW, unless they can show proof of vaccination.

Critics have attacked the government across all forms of media, arguing that it will leave many Australians without any form of income. They also argue that the law is unconstitutional, another form of coercive control, and is simply UnAustralian. Many argue that it is unlawful to place any conditions on the awarding of welfare payments. Hunt replied that welfare recipients already face conditions for payment:

“Newstart recipients must prove they have looked for work, and must accept any reasonable job offer. Furthermore, Indigenous Australians can have their welfare payments halted if their children do not attend school for enough days in the year, and many of them have been placed on the Indue card (or Cashless Debit Card), so there are already restrictions for people on welfare in Australia.”

The minister then explained that the government is already paying for the wellbeing of unvaccinated people because many of them have been treated in the public health system as a direct result of not taking the vaccine.

“Let’s not forget, Australians are not being refused vital medical treatment if they have chosen not to get vaccinated and they contract COVID-19. They are receiving treatment, often life-saving treatment, from qualified and dedicated front line medical staff. This treatment is paid for by the taxpayer.”

Minister Hunt then clarified that Australians will be offered medical treatment for COVID-19 related illnesses, regardless of whether they are vaccinated or not. He also reminded those refusing to comply with pandemic laws that they are creating the conditions for further possible restrictions, which is the very thing they are protesting against.

The new law is one of minster Hunt’s final actions before he leaves politics in 2022.

Image: Daniel Schludi

How to beat the Liberals and the Loonies.

The Liberal National Party could be removed from government at the next federal election if all Australians were required to be double vaccinated in order to enter a polling booth.

Currently this is not the case. At the recent local government elections, voters were allowed to enter polling booths without showing proof of vaccination. If voters were required to show proof of vaccination, or proof of legitimate exemption, this would prohibit many people from voting and cost the Liberal National Party (LNP) many votes.

Do loonies vote Liberal?

Not necessarily. But anti-vaxxers and anti-lockdown protestors are more likely to vote for the loonie parties upon which the LNP relies. The Coalition accepts preferences from many of the fringe parties and rely on these preferences in order to win elections at state and federal level.

Political analysts tell us that the Coalition won the unwinnable federal election in 2019 thanks largely to the preferences from Clive Palmer’s United Australia Party (UAP) in Queensland. Palmer is one of the loonies challenging pandemic laws and has recruited Craig Kelly from the Coalition. Kelly is a famous opponent of vaccines, vaccine mandates and other pandemic-related rules, and is the most high profile candidate in the UAP. Ironically, if Kelly attracts many votes, he could help his former party to win the election.

Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party has also sided with those opposing pandemic laws and some of her candidates direct their preferences to the LNP. Consequently, Scott Morrison has failed to publicly and unequivocally condemn anti-lockdown and anti-vaxxer protests because his operatives know that his party needs their vote.

At the recent local government elections, one voter was overheard commenting,

“You can’t get into a cafe without proof of vaccination, but you can get into a polling booth.”

Why is this?

If an unvaccinated person can spread COVID-19 in a cafe, surely they can spread COVID-19 in a polling booth. This presents a significant medical risk in a country in which voting is compulsory. Some voters could be immunocompromised and thus face the risk of contracting COVID-19, or being issued with a fine if they don’t vote.

They can vote online.

Yes, the loonies could vote online. Australians can register for ivote and the anti-vaxxers could still vote for the fringe parties via online voting. This, however, requires voters to take the initiative and complete this process well in advance of the upcoming election. If the loonies don’t vote at all, without a legitimate exemption, they would be issued with a fine in accordance with Australian law. Perhaps the threat of a significant fine would convince some people to get jabbed.

Is it lawful?

I don’t know. I’m not a lawyer or an expert in constitutional law. However, news from around the world suggest that other countries have prohibited unvaccinated people from entering certain places or enjoying certain rights that are available to vaccinated people. Thus, it should be possible to act according to the same principles in Australia. If loonies can vote online, they are not technically being denied the right to vote in a democratic country.

A dangerous precedent?

Have the local government elections established a dangerous precedent? When people find out that unvaccinated people were allowed into polling booths, will they demand access to other indoor spaces which currently require proof of vaccination? Many business owners publicly stated their intention to reject the ruling and to allow everyone to enter their premises whether vaccinated or not. If these owners cited the polling booth example, surely they would have a case…

Therefore, if people make a conscious choice not to get vaccinated against COVID-19, should they be prevented from entering a polling booth? And, if so, would this harm the LNP which relies heavily on the preferences of the fringe parties which are likely to attract the anti-vaxxer vote?

Will it happen?

Probably not. The people who would make this law are the very people who rely on the loonie vote for their political survival.

We could change the law, or we could allow double vaccinated people to vote twice.

Image: Darren England

Tim Paine in high demand after sexting scandal.

Scott Morrison and Clive Palmer are locked in an epic battle to secure the services of Tim Paine after the cricketer was recently sacked for sexting. The prime minister and the leader of the United Australia Party are desperate for the former national captain to run as a candidate for their respective political parties at the next federal election.

“Tim is perfect for contemporary Australian politics,” announced Morrison as he pitched the Coalition to Paine.

“He is adept at scandalous sexting and mistreating women. Furthermore, he managed to keep it hidden for so many years and this is what impressed us the most. He epitomises the behaviour of the modern Liberal Party member, and he is a sporting hero, so Australians will support him no matter what he does.”

Paine was recently sacked as captain of the Australian test cricket team, which is a more important position than that of prime minister according to many Australians. He was caught sexting lewd, consensual messages to a female administrative colleague – before he was made national captain, but while he was married. Ironically, he was appointed captain due to his clean-cut public image, after the ‘sandpapergate’ scandal resulted in the sacking of the previous captain Steve Smith.

Palmer, the leader of the influential fringe party, believes Paine is better suited to his party.

“Tim’s a great Aussie. He’s a great cricketer, he’s a patriot, he wore the baggy green and he loves his country – and that’s what the UAP is all about. We’re making Australia great again and that’s what Tim did. He improved Australia’s international reputation. It was just a bit of harmless flirting on his phone, just like Warney did – and Warney’s a national hero as well.”

“People say my party’s just a bunch of crazy misfits – but Tim will fit right in here. Plus, if he’s caught mistreating women and sexting as a politician, he won’t be sacked, he’ll be promoted.”

Morrison went on to say that Paine should join the LNP because they can actually form government, before Palmer reminded Morrison that it was the UAP which greatly assisted Morrison to win the unwinnable election in 2019.

“Without me, ScoMo’s nothing,” Palmer declared.

Morrison then reminded Palmer that almost every member of the current LNP government has been involved in some form of corruption or scandalous behaviour, and not one of them has been dismissed, so Paine will be protected.

Paine has so far declined to comment on the offers as he has switched off his phone. Rumours also persist that he has received offers from Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party and Bob Katter.

Image: Getty Images