Young people of the Eastern Suburbs are no longer locked out of the housing market thanks to the creation of virtual properties.
Virtual properties exist entirely online and are well within reach of the average millennial.
“This fantastic development is a long-awaited ray of hope for first home buyers in the Eastern Suburbs and the rest of Australia,” declared @ReelEstates, the start up behind the scheme.
“Anyone can own a virtual property for the price of their mobile data and occupy it into eternity, so young people can finally afford to live in paradise.”
@ReelEstates clarified that while youngsters will still reside physically in the real world, they can escape into their online existence “…at any opportunity, as they already do.”
First home buyers can acquire properties through popular search engines and social media, rather than Real Estate agents. They could, for example, buy a house through Instagram and pick up a weekender on Snapchat. They’ll find a few renovator’s dreams on Likee, but Chinese investors bought all the homes on Tik Tok.
Caveat Emptor – councils in the East have banned the acquisition of properties through X, so as not to lower the tone of the region.
Owners can then furnish their abode without lifting a finger, as algorithms will automatically assign colour schemes and décor according to cookies owners collect while scrolling Pinterest.
“Looking for short-term accommodation? Hit me up on Tinder or slide into my DMs” @ReelEstates offered, before explaining that affordability is not the only benefit of the scheme.
“No more horrible housemates or interminable queues for rental inspections. No more dodgy tradies nor disputes over dividing fences. Plus, millennials will never have to host their parents and have them rearrange the furniture, unless they find a property with olde-worlde charm on Facebook.”
Furthermore, virtual properties are immune from rising damp, natural disasters and break-ins, but not from hacks to major Telcos.
“Of course, failure to pay the phone bill , or find a USB port, will result in eviction from the luxurious Bondi penthouse, and owners will resort to sharing a 2-bedroom dump in Sefton with seven other underemployed youth.”
Sceptics of the scheme question its viability in a country with lagging internet, and claim it adds yet greater significance to the phrase ‘fibre to the home’. They also claim it will increase social isolation.
“Don’t despair,” reassured “@ReelEstates “you can still host a virtual housewarming or dinner party, just as you rehearsed during COVID lockdowns.”
Meanwhile, traditional bricks and mortar properties will continue to be bought and sold, but as @ReelEstates summarised,
“The rich will buy through Domain, the rest will buy a domain.”
First published in The Beast magazine, September, 2026.
Image: Mariia Berezovsky
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