E-bikes are out of control. Young hooligans are tearing up and down our suburbs, our cities and our famous bridge, and have even taken to ripping up parks and golf-courses.
Local councils seem powerless to stop this menace to our safety and sanity, and the perpetrators are either too young or too brazen to be afraid of any real consequences. Operation E-Voltage was implemented to curb the curb-hoppers, but this is working much more slowly than the marauding and modified mutations can travel.
So, what’s behind this new trend?
Is it social media and the current obsession with online stardom pushing teenagers to do something even more outrageous than the previous clickbait video?
Is the social media ban pushing bored U/16s outside?
Is it poor parenting?
Is it affluence? E-Bikes are expensive.
Is it ambiguity created by technological advances which have blurred the line between bicycles and motorcycles, and will this obfuscation delay the implementation of suitable laws until e-bikes are replaced by the next fad?
Is it the fuel shortage? Are E-Bikes cheaper than E-10 because a desperate man started a war as a necessary distraction from his obsession with girls like Lolita?
E-Bikes riders are as young as Lolita.
Is it the coastal curse? The Eastern Suburbs, Northern Beaches and the hobbits of The Shire are all enduring the same plague. So, are these fat-wheeled, leather-seated machines simply too-well suited to carrying a surfboard or a bikini-clad girlfriend?
No
It’s a protest.
As federal and state governments continue to tighten protest laws across the lucky country, young people have resorted to the only form of protest available.
Australian universities, including our own UNSW, used to be a hotbed of anti-establishment rhetoric. Recently, corporatisation and government pressure have subdued the library lawn.
But E-bike riders are too young for university.
Activists used to chant loudly for environmental protection, universal healthcare, racial equality, public education or world peace, but politicians have all but outlawed peaceful protests in the name of ‘social cohesion’ and other convenient euphemisms.
E-Bike riders don’t understand euphemisms.
Motorists in Sydney used to rant and rave at cyclists who gathered in a critical mass and disrupted traffic to promote alternative transport and a greener future, but now drivers can only curse the rebels without a cause.
E-Bike riders are not socially aware.
Aussie youth used to nag their parents for a lift in gas-guzzling SUVs before woke, left-wing teachers brainwashed them with anti-fossil fuel propaganda.
E -Bike riders don’t listen to their teachers.
When a government attempts to outlaw peaceful protests because the message might upset a fragile minority, they open the door to young people whose protests will upset the majority.
Image: Harley Davidson
First published in The Beast magazine, June, 2026
kieranblakewriter 