Clovelly’s Giant Crocs Need a New Enclosure

An enormous new enclosure will be built at Burrows Park to house the world-famous giant juvenile crocodiles of Clovelly.

Cloe’s crocs have grown so rapidly in recent years that scientists are baffled, and Randwick City Council is rushing to expand the enclosure which has housed them since 1917.

“Saltwater crocodiles are the largest of their species, but Clovelly Crocs are inexplicably enormous,” explained the scientist leading the investigation into the local sub-species.

“For this reason, the proposal is to expand their current enclosure to the south towards the dog park, west towards the coastal walk and east towards the current amenities block, which will also be renovated.”

An international standard enclosure would safely house the vulnerable baby crocs in their hutch, the pod of hatchlings, and the oversized juvenile crocs who need to space to play and bask in groups until they reach maturity and can explore new lands.

“Very few baby crocs become adult crocs, so ratepayers’ money must be spent to assist our immature crocs to reach their full potential,” stated a spokesperson for the crocs.

“The money will also ensure that the most prominent juvenile Crocs don’t get poached.”

Juvenile local crocs who have survived the treacherous journey into adulthood include Tom Wright, Lachlan Lam, Tristan Sailor and Victor ‘Boo’ Radley. They all developed in the current enclosure and are distinguished by their relatively small stature in a world of oversized apex predators. Wright now survives on a diet of springboks, pumas and lions, while the remaining three eat anything from sharks to rabbits, dragons, cowboys or dolphins.

“Wright, Lam and Sailor were all forced to seek new territory upon maturity. However, Radley remained in his local territory upon reaching adulthood, and his recent prolonged exposure to the enormous Clovelly juveniles clearly explains his famous determination to confront much larger alpha males during territorial battles,” explained the scientist.

Widespread fascination with the massive crocs would also necessitate the construction of a large viewing area to the east, to allow tourists and locals to observe the crocs during weekly feeding times. The subsequent tourist revenue would save a suburb so crippled by poverty that its beach is covered in homeless shelters during the warmer months.

However, the welfare of tourists also concerns opponents of the ground’s augmentation.

“Expansion would place tourists on the coastal walk within snapping distance of wild, frenzied, adrenaline-fuelled juvenile crocs in the throes of competition,” they argue.

On the other hand, residents certainly welcome the overdue renovation of the dilapidated amenities block, and the claim that the new facility will be for the benefit and use of the local community:

“…which means local dogs.”

Image: Jerin Samuel

First published in The Beast magazine, April 2023


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