Sydney Boys High School will become a trade school in honour of old-boy Scott Morrison and his endless attempts to be a tradie.
The academically-selective school in Sydney will now be known as Moore Park Boys Heteronormative Pentecostal Vocational Learning Centre (MPBHPVLC), and will teach only vocational courses.
Boys will no longer study Extension Maths or English, nor French continuers, Economics or Physics, and must instead study for careers which Morrison has pretended to do while prime minister.
Courses will be offered in hairdressing, welding and forklift driving, and any other career involving hi-vis and a hard hat. A military cadet unit has also been established and will teach boys how to stand menacingly over a map like a Field Marshal.
Another major change to the school is the introduction of religion. The heteronormative students will pray between every lesson and will start the day with the Lord’s prayer. Chaplains will replace school counsellors and Economics classes will make way for lectures on tax avoidance and attracting government subsidies.
Sydney Boys High School thus becomes the first academically-selective school to convert to vocational education and its fate will be closely monitored by Morrison’s alma mater UNSW, as it considers whether to rename itself Kensington Tech.
One subject that will remain at MPBHPVLC is politics, so that boys can pretend to be prime minister, something Morrison has been doing since 2018.