NSW Premier Mike Baird has chained himself to the doors of the Globe Arena in Stockholm to protest the defeat of Greg Hunt in the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest.
Mr. Baird, who recently appointed himself The Supreme and Glorious Leader of the Greater Democratic Territory of North Victoria, availed himself of Sweden’s liberal and democratic stance on protests to appeal the victory of Jamal from Ukraine in the famous annual competition.
“This is an outrage, a travesty, an absolute disgrace…” heckled The Supreme and Glorious Leader from outside the arena, where passing Swede’s offered small change and applause, “…so I am utilising this quaint democratic tradition to denounce the decision and have it overturned.”
“Comrade Hunt deserved this award, not Jamala. Can Jamala sing? No, Can Jamala dance? No, Can Jamala act? No. Is Jamala a triple threat? No” he bellowed.
“The Federal Minister for the Environment is a triple threat. Since taking office he has dumped the carbon price, cut Australia’s renewable energy target and removed the Climate Commission, among other acts. That’s a triple threat!”
Mr Hunt was competing in Europe’s favourite talent show in an attempt to earn Australia another prestigious, meaningful and appropriate award to accompany his award for World’s Best Minister in UAE in February.
The minister himself was reportedly too distraught to comment on the outcome. He was last seen ripping through Australia’s last remaining patch of native bushland with a bulldozer in an effort to release his anger and frustration.
Meanwhile, The Supreme and Glorious Leader threatened to remain chained to the arena until his self-imposed curfew of 10pm.