Published in The Beast, March 2016
The famous Bronte Beach train will replace the eastern suburbs section of the new Light Rail network upon the merger of Waverley, Randwick and Vaucluse councils.
The much loved fixture of Bronte Beach will take over the services which the highly contentious Light Rail link would have provided and, in doing so, alleviate the anticipated stress on suburbs such as Randwick and Kensington.
“This plan was suggested as a gesture of goodwill…” announced a statement from Waverley Council, which currently oversees the operation of the train “…and it will be the first motion to be carried when the councils complete the merger. It is expected to lay the foundation for a constructive relationship between the three councils.”
The plan will include the blending of old and new. The train will be wifi and bluetooth enabled and operate under the Opal system as well as being linked to existing infrastructure such as the bus system, a move which will reduce spending on the larger project. The train itself will need to be slightly modified to cater for increased demand, especially when it’s blowing offshore.
The suburb’s heritage will also be honoured. Passengers will enjoy the convenience of alighting from the train before continuing their journey through the Bronte Cut in their urban chariots.
Opponents ridiculed the plan and reminded councils that the train only goes around in circles, to which the three councils responded in unison;
“The journey of the immensely popular Bronte Beach train epitomises the actions and achievements of all three councils throughout their distinguished histories and the anticipated trajectory of the single joint organisation in future years…” before adding,
“…plus, why would you want to go anywhere else?”