I made bubble tea…accidentally.

I wondered how long the water bottle full of Powerade had been in the fridge.

I’d put it in the night before a long ride, but never did the long ride. Lockdown got in the way, then a sore back, then lockdown, rain, lockdown, mechanical problems…and another lockdown. Today’s hike is long enough to justify Powerade and a second bottle of water; even a cut lunch. And bubble tea.

I took a sip of my bubble tea before I set off on the long descent down the steep rocky steps which would carry me into the valley below. The sun was climbing and the light breeze on top of the escarpment was pleasantly cool.

About 10 minutes into the hike, I saw a man dragging himself up the steps.

“Hi”

“Hi,” he exhaled, looking frantic, tired and sweaty, it was warmer beneath the canopy.

“Are you going to the bottom?” he asked.

“Yep”

“My sons are halfway down, one of them left the stove on so I’ve gotta go to the top to get reception,” he puffed, “…to tell someone to turn it off. Can you check on them?”

“Sure”

And he resumed his battle with the steps.

The boys were comfortable and in good spirits. They had food and water.

“Are you guys hiking with your Dad?”

“Yep”

“He’s nearly at the top,” I explained, “he shouldn’t be too long.”

“Yeah,” they grunted, with the customary enthusiasm of adolescence. I had to ask:

“Which one of you left the stove on?”

“Me,” replied the youngest, about 12 or 13.

“Well, he made us come down here, and we made him go up there,” added the 15-year-old, “…so now we’re even.”

I kept walking.

After about 40 minutes of descending step after step after step I reached the valley floor and walked among towering blue gums set against a backdrop of sandstone cliffs. The sun pierced through the canopy and the birds played and sang in the trees, their melody broken only by a call from a fellow hiker.

“Oh, it’s Keith,” she exclaimed to a group of young adults who were listening to her engrossing tale.

“Hi Keith!”

I’m not Keith, and she soon realised as I approached.

“You look like Keith.”

I greeted the small group and asked them where they’d started their hike; at the top of the stairs I’d just descended, or from one of the two other trails which meet at this junction.

Hiker’s small talk, curiosity, politeness…

No response. The friend of Keith had returned immediately to her engrossing tale.

I kept walking.

I followed the river towards a campsite I hadn’t yet visited and wondered if I could reach the other side of the escarpment and make it back to the carpark in two to three hours. I had limited food but plenty of fluids, even some bubble tea.

I soon came across a friendly older gentlemen taking samples of the flora and making notes in a notebook. He told me he was an ecologist conducting a survey on the health of the bush in this particular patch of the valley. He was waiting for a young man whose impressive technological equipment would make his mapping much easier. Maybe I’d seen him.

Maybe. He might be among the group of young people at the junction, listening to a tale from a young woman with a backpack.

“Oh, Wendy, yeah, I know her. She’s on a five day expedition trying to get away from people and find some solitude, but apparently she keeps running into people, even people she knows.”

Including Keith, I surmised.

I left the ecologist to continue his survey and found a beautiful spot by the river to enjoy a peaceful lunch in the sunshine. I watched the water fold itself over and around the stones and followed the bubbles sliding like mercury over the stones in the refracted light.

I savoured my cut lunch and water, and sipped on my bubble tea, not yet realising it was bubble tea. To me it just tasted like Powerade and delightful refreshment as my body responded to the heat of the valley floor.

I followed the river for a few more minutes then turned back, deciding to tackle the hike to the other side of the escarpment another day, when I had more food, less hunger, new hiking shoes and more bubble tea.

I didn’t see the ecologists on the way back, nor did I see Wendy. Perhaps she’d found that elusive solitude. I didn’t meet Keith, nor would I know if I had, and I didn’t see the boys or their father. Hopefully he’d found someone to turn the stove off. Hopefully he’s found a way to motivate his reluctant teenagers.

Alas, all that was left was to ignore the heat and the accumulating sweat and ascend the steps to the carpark.

Step after step after step.

Sip after sip after sip.

My water was running low, but not yet empty. My bubble tea was running low, but not yet empty. I’d timed it well and should run out of water at the car park. Every sip of hydration was fuelling my body, but I knew at this point that the fillip was as much psychological.

A few more steps, a few more steps – and there it was. The viewpoint, the reward, and the end of a solid hike.

I shed myself of my sweaty, smelly shirt and slipped into something more comfortable for the short drive home. I also decided to empty the remnants of my water supply into the bottle with the Powerade, to sip on the way home.

That’s when I realised I’d made bubble tea…accidentally. I squeezed the remaining mixture from the bottom of the water bottle and felt something solid, but gooey, in my mouth.

I spat it out.

Yuk!

It felt like bubble tea. Solidified something wrapped in a coating of gooeyness. The translucent destruction of flavoursome iced-tea. Famous throughout Asia, but I’m not Asian.

“I’m very like bubble tea,” Chinese people would tell me in broken English. I’m very dislike bubble tea.

I spat out the bubble and realised there could be more in the bottom of the water bottle, so I ditched it. I reached for my other water bottle to wash my mouth out with water. It was empty. Of course, the water was in the bottom of the other bottle – with the bubble tea. It was the bubble tea.

How did this happen?

What have I been drinking all morning?

Will I get sick?

I rushed to the kitchen tap to rinse and replace the bubble tea. It was only when I emptied the water bottle into the sink that I saw it.

One single blob of solidified Powerade, like an oversized bubble in a bubble tea. Then I saw more, looking like bacteria or tadpoles. Had I just consumed tadpoles? I don’t think so, surely I would have felt them sliding down my throat. Why didn’t I know I was drinking bubble tea this whole time? I thought it was just plain old Powerade. Then I saw it. The blobs had attached themselves tightly to the inner walls of the water bottle. I had to scrape some off with my fingers.

I didn’t get sick. But then I didn’t get sick from my first COVID jab either. The water bottle has been soaked numerous times with hot water. I’m still deciding whether it’s safe to use again.

I will never again leave a bottle of Powerade in the fridge for weeks on end. I don’t recommend home-brewed bubble tea.

Image: Orimi Protograph

Don’t buy your child a smartphone.

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“I wish I could get my child off their phone,” bemoan so many modern-day parents.

“They’re addicted. They don’t play outside, it ruins their social life, they certainly don’t talk to me and it’s destroying their school grades.

I just wish there was a way to stop my child from being on their phone all the time.”

There is one way.

Don’t buy them a smartphone.

There is another way.

Don’t pay for their data.

But they need it for safety.

True, smartphones provide immediate communication which could keep some children safe in certain situations. However, if the rationale behind buying a child a phone is safety, then buy them a handset. Buy them a phone that only performs the functions of phone calls and SMS, because that is enough to keep a child safe if the bus doesn’t arrive, soccer training is cancelled or they can’t get a taxi after a party late at night. Granted, handsets do have games on them, but your child will soon tire of Tetris.

Interestingly, many parents are forgetting that they themselves grew up in an era without mobile phones, and the vast majority of them were never abducted, assaulted, abused or harmed while out of sight of their parents.

Unfortunately, many parents have succumbed to the subliminal scare campaigns which mobile phone providers use to boost sales. Phone companies and service providers understand this fear and do nothing to quell it, knowing full well that the fear boosts sales. This, despite the fact that research indicates that the majority of people who abuse children are known to the victim, and they inflict this abuse in situations for which a mobile phone would not have helped the child.

This may sound paranoid, but examine the advertising of smartphones. Most of the campaigns play on fear and fashion. We are yet to see a phone company sell a phone with the message;

“Watch your child fail exams, become socially maladjusted, play on social media and chat with creepy old men online.”

Don’t buy a child a phone that can connect to the internet.

The majority of problems begin when children use their phones to connect to the internet. This is where they are cyber-bullied, or do the bullying. This is where they waste hours scanning vacuous content on social media. This is where they access inappropriate content or meet inappropriate people, and this is where they become passive consumers of mass media.

Tell your child to buy their own smartphone.

If your child insists on owning a smartphone, tell them to pay for the phone and the data themselves.

But my child’s not old enough to get a job.

If your child is not old enough to get a job, maybe they’re not old enough to own a smartphone.

Many children might justify their demands for a smartphone with the safety rationale, but we know children well enough to surmise that their desire for a phone is prompted by peer pressure and status.

“Everyone else has one.” is a phrase many parents will hear thousands of times.

Don’t blame others for your child’s behaviour.

Don’t demand that Teachers protect your child from cyber bullying. Don’t blame the Teacher when your child’s grades, literacy and numeracy start to suffer because they are addicted to their phone and are neglecting their studies. Don’t blame the government for your child’s poor health, and don’t expect society to teach your child to socialise.

Don’t buy your child a smartphone.

Image: Ilan Dov