Strict ban imposed on Australian politicians.

Politicians cannot visit schools and children will no longer make excursions to federal or state parliament houses following revelations of appalling behaviour from politicians and their staffers.

The ban will take effect immediately and hinges on one key issue:

“Many politicians and their staff do not qualify for a Working With Children Check (WWCC)” explained a spokesperson for the Australian Society for the Protection of Children (ASPC).

“Our nation’s leaders have committed or defended acts that are illegal, immoral, depraved and reprehensible, and this disqualifies them from a WWCC. Without a WWCC, an adult is not allowed to interact with children in any official capacity.”

The spokesperson was adamant that not all politicians have behaved poorly, but that a blanket ban at the present time was the only way to protect the nation’s children.

“Remember, it is not just the politicians themselves who visit schools or community and youth organisations. They arrive with an entourage of minders, advisors, media attaches, staffers and interns, and it is their staffers who are sometimes the biggest problem, as news stories have demonstrated in recent weeks.”

Australian school children will not be allowed to visit Parliament House on official school excursions, denying them a trip that was something of a right of passage for Aussie kids. Parents are also advised that anyone under the age of 18 will be denied entry to the halls of power in Canberra and state capitals.

“Parliament House is crawling with creeps,” stated the ASPC, “It’s not even a safe place for adults.”

The decision follows the shocking discovery of disgraceful behaviour in parliamentary buildings and other locations, by the people entrusted to run the country.

A junior staffer revealed an alleged rape in a minister’s office in Canberra, and numerous women have reported sexual harassment by male staff members. The same women provided evidence that their claims were not taken seriously, or were ignored, in order to protect the politician, staffer or the political party.

Media outlets have also revealed instances of male staffers masturbating on a woman’s desk, filming the act and sharing the video with male colleagues, and of prostitutes being brought into parliament house.

The Attorney General, the highest law officer in the land, was caught fraternising with young female staffers in a public bar just minutes from Parliament House. Apart from committing adultery, the minister was also accused of placing himself in a compromising position which could threaten the security of the nation. He continues to be protected by his party, and by the prime minister.

In addition, the prime minister, and the federal minister for women refused to meet face to face with the thousands of protestors participating in marches throughout the country calling for greater rights and protection for women inside and outside of politics.

“All of these acts preclude a person from securing a WWCC, and cast them as terrible role models for the nation’s school children. This is why we have had to place a ban on interactions between politicians and children,” clarified the spokesperson.

“The ban will be lifted when politicians and their staffers start behaving like moral human beings”

Image: Aditya Joshi