Scott Morrison to watch over his flock.

The Australian government has ordered every school, home and government office in the country to display a prominent image of Prime Minister Scott Morrison.

“Our great and beloved leader will be honoured with glorious images in every home, educational institution and government building throughout our great nation,” read a directive from the Prime Minister’s Office.

“Prominent images of our glorious leader will uplift the Australian people and inspire them to dutifully perform their vital role in advancing our nation and making Australia great again.”

“All of the great world leaders are honoured in this way,” continued the directive.

“The Sultan of Brunei, the Kim family, Mussolini, Mao Zedong, Hitler and Franco have all had images of themselves hung up in schools and government offices throughout their lands. Displaying an image of Scott Morrison on the wall is the perfect way for all members of Team Australia to honour our great and beloved leader, and to remind every citizen of their immense fortune to reside in his realm.”

Australia will reap enormous and tangible benefits from the initiative, according to the PM’s staff. School students will significantly improve their literacy, numeracy and academic achievement simply by looking at ‘Papa Smirk’ every day, and the images will motivate and educate tertiary students far more than would any increase in government funding.

“Iconic images of our benevolent leader will also eradicate public service waste and inefficiency, and will eliminate incompetence and corruption from every level of government.”

The directive from the PM’s office states that a minimum of four images must be hung in each school, university and TAFE classroom. In government offices and departmental buildings, one image must be visible to every person in every room at all times. In homes, the picture must hang above the front door. Parliament House in Canberra, meanwhile, will be graced with giant images of ‘Smirking Scott’ that will be visible from any point in the ACT.

Approved images include Scott in high-vis, Scott driving a truck, Scott drinking beer at the footy, Scott in a lab coat, Scott in camouflage, Scott and DIY, Scott the healer, Scott with coal, Scott with Jen and the girls, or any image containing Scott and the famous smirk.

Images which must not be displayed are Scott in Hawaii, Scott mansplaining, Scott forcing handshakes, Scott with lobbyists, Scott with donors, Scott with Christian Porter, Scott at Engadine Maccas, Scott with Clive Palmer, Scott with Donald Trump and pictures revealing the translucent strings connecting the prime minister to his puppet master, Rupert Murdoch.

“Images must be hung at least two metres off the ground, which is above the height of the average person. Lowering the image lowers the status of the chosen one, and is thus an offence. Every home, educational facility and government building in the country will soon be under 24-hour surveillance, and any image found to be posted below this height must be removed, and the perpetrator sent to Peter Dutton.

Employees in government offices will be supplied with approved images, while school teachers will be forced to purchase at least four gold-framed images out of their meagre salaries, and can obtain their order forms after purchasing any NewsCorp publication.

Image: Craig Greenhill

Scott Morrison stars in The Perfect Puppet.

The Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison, will perform the lead role in a rollicking new stage show called The Perfect Puppet, set to hit theatres this summer. The hilarious pantomime follows the jovial and bumbling lead puppet Scotty through an endless series of mishaps and misadventures with his band of hapless friends.

The stage show will be performed under the direction of revered puppet masters Rupert Murdoch and Gina Rinehart, and is sure to fill theatres during the Christmas holidays, especially since the show has been given special permission to ignore any and all social distancing restrictions.

The PM delivers an outstanding performance as the likable and bumbling protagonist Scotty who leads the audience through unforgettable scenes such as:

Jenny and The Girls

Holidays in Hawaii

Malfeasant Malcolm

Slogans for Bogans

I Dug A Hole

I Stopped the Boats, and…

I Fracked My Pants at Engadine Maccas.

Throughout the show, Scotty’s friends drag him into all manner of problems which look certain to destroy the popular puppet forever. But Scotty’s puppet masters and his deity save him from every situations and he escapes with merely a scratch.

“We had no hesitation in casting Morrison for this role,” stated Murdoch and Rinehart.

“He is the perfect puppet in every way.”

“His range is phenomenal. Throughout the show he transforms into characters as diverse as Daggy Dad, Captain Corruption, Captain Coal, Liar from The Shire, Scotty from Marketing, Sham Sharkie, the Misogynist, the Crazy Christian, The Denier and The Job Faker, all with his trademark smirk.

“The entire time, the audience is captivated by his on-stage persona and come to love him more and more.”

Morrison is said to have thrown himself into the role with his famed dedication and selflessness.

“His commitment to the role has been astounding,” continued Murdoch. “He even constructed his own puppet stage in the backyard to practice for the role – and got Jenny and the girls to rehearse with him.”

Morrison is expected to headline The Perfect Puppet well into 2021, or until Rupert and Gina find a more suitable lead puppet. Tickets for the live show are on sale now and can be obtained through any NewsCorp publication.

Images: Twitter, Craig Greenhill