Slogans for Bogans.

Australia’s new rulers are beholden to bogans,

and win their support with cheap empty slogans.

True leaders lead and make tough decisions,

but bogans treat truth with ingrained derision.

Our leader needs loyal and fast-breeding bogans,

so keeps them on leash with cheap empty slogans.

How good are slogans, and an arrogant smirk,

for replacing policy or actual work!

The Almighty Rupert runs free propaganda,

for a party with nothing but cheap tricks and slander.

Slogans are cover for scandal and vice;

an ignorant bogan will never think twice.

JobMaker, JobKeeper, Homebuilder, JobSeeker,

just more PR spin while the nation gets weaker.

The bogans believe he is fighting corona,

thanks to the monster behind the persona,

the faceless and scheming marketing masters,

who shield their puppet from self-made disasters.

Go to the football, be seen to drink beer

and ignorant bogans will laugh, clap and cheer.

Follow a team that is not your own,

your slogans will keep you entrenched on the throne.

Back to the football, sink some more beers,

and do little else for four more years.

Fool all the bogans with stage-managed drinking,

and gut public schools to stop them from thinking.

Boast to the bogans, you turned back the boats,

tell them we’re gert by one giant moat.

Change just one word in our national song,

don’t dredge up the past, we did nothing wrong!

He fled to Hawaii with the nation on fire,

his bogans took selfies with Scott the Messiah!

The branding of ScoMo

Put progress in SlowMo,

But now real Aussies

Want ScoMo to GoMo

Image: http://www.nypost.com

Huge shock for Cronulla fans at start of 2021 season.

Cronulla Sharks fans have reacted with horror to the news that they are the most gullible fans in rugby league after it was discovered that their No. 1 ticket holder is an imposter.

And all it took was a beer, a smirk and a baseball cap.

On the morning of the NRL season kick-off, news has broken that Prime Minister Scott Morrison fooled the club into thinking that he supports the pride of The Shire. Morrison is seen at most home games wearing team merchandise, and his customary smirk, surrounded by adoring and naive fans who genuinely believed he is one of them – until today.

News broke that Morrison actually grew up in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney in the heartland of the Sydney Roosters. He also attended Sydney Boys High School, which is part of the Greater Public Schools network and only plays Rugby Union. What’s more, he declared himself a fan of the Western Bulldogs Aussie Rules team and stated that AFL is a “great game” and the AFL grand final is the “greatest show in Oz”.

Not only does the prime minister sport his Sharkies gear at home games, but even during his many photo opportunities and marketing videos broadcast to the Australian population.

Morrison only started publicly supporting Cronulla when he became the member for Cook. Sources have also suggested that Morrison only won Liberal preselection for the seat after News Limited ran a dirty smear campaign against long-standing Liberal member, and his opponent, Michael Towke.

Towke was also born in the east, but had lived in The Shire for many years, and was actively involved in many local organisations. Furthermore, Towke won the first preselection ballot in 2007, and polled 10 times as many votes as Morrison, 82 votes to 8. Morrison was eliminated in the first round. The Daily Telegraph then published four articles which heavily criticised Towke, even suggesting that he could be sent to jail.

Yet Sharks fans clap and cheer their famous fan as he cradles a beer in the stands at Shark Park.

A long and ugly defamation case ensued, and News Limited eventually settled with Towke out of court. The saga was revealed in the Sydney Morning Herald, and later in the St George and Sutherland Shire Leader, and apparently News Limited offered The Leader a $110,000 payment to stop the story from going to print. It seems Rupert Murdoch wanted no bad marks against his selection for future prime minister.

A second preselection ballot was held, and Morrison was chosen to lead the Liberal party in The Shire. This is how Scott Morrison came to be the federal member for The Shire, and how he came to be the No.1 ticket holder for the Sharks.

Rupert Murdoch had chosen his man, and it was Morrison – not an Australian of Lebanese heritage. A few years later, Murdoch would send instructions for Malcolm Turnbull to be removed as leader of the Coalition, and replaced by Morrison.

But Sharks fans don’t see this, or don’t want to. The man they know as ScoMo drinks beer and wears the black, white and blue.

They cheer a man who marked International Women’s Day in 2019 by saying that women should not rise in society at the expense of men. The man who took a holiday in Hawaii while the country burned through horrific bushfires. The man who protects alleged rapists and has overseen scandals involving Sport Rorts, the destruction of the Murray-Darling basin and Robodebt. They also support a man who cut funding to aged care services while he was Treasurer. By the time today’s Sharks fans need aged care services, will Scott Morrison still be pretending to support the Sharks?

In fact, the strongest proof that Morrison may truly care about Sharks victories is his famous visit to Engadine Maccas after Cronulla won the grand final in 2016.

Image: http://www.sharks.com.au

Australians to be denied lifesaving surgery.

The Australian government has angered the nation after announcing a new policy that will prohibit lifesaving surgery for seriously ill patients.

Australians will be forced to tolerate any illness or disease which threatens their future health or even their lives, and will be prohibited from receiving treatment for illnesses such as cancer.

“There is a prevailing belief that a disease, illness or affliction which harms or kills the host body must be removed or eliminated,” announced federal Minister for Health Greg Hunt.

“This leads to doctors and surgeons removing or eliminating illnesses such as cancer from people’s bodies, so that the patient can survive. It is also the reason for the global effort to develop a vaccine for COVID-19.”

Hunt argued that if this principle was applied to other contexts in day to day life, it would create major implications for the nation. To prove his argument, Hunt cited Rupert Murdoch and NewsCorp which are regarded as a cancer on democracy in The US, The UK and Australia.

“Does that mean we have to remove Rupert and NewsCorp from Australia, before it kills the country?”

“That would require actions such as a royal commission into media ownership or some form of regulation of the content produced by NewsCorp on a daily basis,” Hunt explained.

“Without Rupert’s propaganda, there is no way my party will win the next election.”

Hunt then referred to Brumbies in the Australian bush.

“Feral horses, known affectionately as ‘Brumbies’, destroy the ecology of our wilderness, including in our national parks. Some people seem to think that if something is so obviously destructive, it should be eliminated.”

“But these invasive animals are ‘heritage horses’. Aussies hold them up as symbols of our great nation, and people are forgetting that misguided, inaccurate and outdated notions of Australian identity are a cornerstone of our culture.”

Hunt then explained that the flawed thinking of removing that which threatens its host would necessitate much greater regulations on cats, because they are the single most destructive introduced species in Australia, as well as a rapid transition from fossil fuels to renewable energy.

“Finally, we would also have to remove from Australia elements such as Pauline Hanson and Clive Palmer. They do so much damage to our national institutions, but they proved enormously useful to the Liberal National Coalition in recent years.”

Images: http://www.worldatlas.com, http://www.redlandcitybulletin.com.au

Scott Morrison stars in The Perfect Puppet.

The Prime Minister of Australia, Scott Morrison, will perform the lead role in a rollicking new stage show called The Perfect Puppet, set to hit theatres this summer. The hilarious pantomime follows the jovial and bumbling lead puppet Scotty through an endless series of mishaps and misadventures with his band of hapless friends.

The stage show will be performed under the direction of revered puppet masters Rupert Murdoch and Gina Rinehart, and is sure to fill theatres during the Christmas holidays, especially since the show has been given special permission to ignore any and all social distancing restrictions.

The PM delivers an outstanding performance as the likable and bumbling protagonist Scotty who leads the audience through unforgettable scenes such as:

Jenny and The Girls

Holidays in Hawaii

Malfeasant Malcolm

Slogans for Bogans

I Dug A Hole

I Stopped the Boats, and…

I Fracked My Pants at Engadine Maccas.

Throughout the show, Scotty’s friends drag him into all manner of problems which look certain to destroy the popular puppet forever. But Scotty’s puppet masters and his deity save him from every situations and he escapes with merely a scratch.

“We had no hesitation in casting Morrison for this role,” stated Murdoch and Rinehart.

“He is the perfect puppet in every way.”

“His range is phenomenal. Throughout the show he transforms into characters as diverse as Daggy Dad, Captain Corruption, Captain Coal, Liar from The Shire, Scotty from Marketing, Sham Sharkie, the Misogynist, the Crazy Christian, The Denier and The Job Faker, all with his trademark smirk.

“The entire time, the audience is captivated by his on-stage persona and come to love him more and more.”

Morrison is said to have thrown himself into the role with his famed dedication and selflessness.

“His commitment to the role has been astounding,” continued Murdoch. “He even constructed his own puppet stage in the backyard to practice for the role – and got Jenny and the girls to rehearse with him.”

Morrison is expected to headline The Perfect Puppet well into 2021, or until Rupert and Gina find a more suitable lead puppet. Tickets for the live show are on sale now and can be obtained through any NewsCorp publication.

Images: Twitter, Craig Greenhill