Senator Pauline Hanson is determined to save Aussie culture and is starting with our unique accent.
Hanson recently announced a bold plan to rescue the accent from foreign influence.
“Australia is losing its True Blue accent,” she decried.
“…especially our young people, who sound more American every year.”
The Queensland politician blamed the mass media for the Americanisation of Australian youth, but also pointed the finger squarely at the current Labor government for caving into international elites, before she outlined her strategy for preserving a central aspect of Australian culture.
“Everyone will speak like me,” she announced in the whining voice that is instantly recognisable.
“I speak real Strayan and all Australians should speak that way in the greatest country on earth.”
Hanson’s plan begins in primary schools. Children from kindergarten and above will begin each day with the Australian anthem, Advance Australia Fair, performed by the senator and the Choir Representing Australian Patriotic Subjects (CRAPS). Students will then swear the oath to our flag in harmony with the senator.
To ensure young people absorb the Australian accent, they will break at noon every day to listen to Hanson recite a popular Australian poem such as The Man From Snowy River or My Country.
Students will then be tested on their ability to recite or sing iconic Aussie texts and they will be graded on this instead of NAPLAN results. Students who fail to master Hanson’s accent will be forced to attend Sunday school and practise reciting these texts until they reach an acceptable standard.
Adults will also be required to prove their patriotism.
Evening news bulletins across all platforms will broadcast Hanson’s voice extolling the virtues of Australian culture and recounting tales of historical figures. Every day, Australians will hear stories of early explorers, brave soldiers and stoic cattle farmers who forged the nation, and she will reminisce on every Australian athlete who has been named Australian of the Year.
Remedial speech therapy classes will be compulsory for any adult incapable of replicating the politician’s famous whine.
In addition, loud speakers will be installed throughout the country to ensure every Aussie is within earshot of Hanson’s ‘Call to Patriotism’ at 5am every morning, as well as her Sunday speech on how to make Australia great again.
“I learned so much about how to increase patriotism during my recent visit to America and my private meeting with President Trump,” she explained.
“I plan to use all these lessons to combat the Americanisation of Australia and ensure the survival of the wonderful Aussie accent.”
Image: AAP
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