Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has announced a multi-million-dollar program to make Random Souths Guy an official Australian ambassador.
“The South Sydney Rabbitohs epitomise the spirit of the Aussie battler,” stated the boy from a housing commission flat who encouraged everyone at the launch to call him ‘Albo’.
“Roving Rabbitohs, as the ambassadors will be known, will channel this Aussie spirit to further the nation’s interests in the Asia Pacific region and beyond.”
Albo then invited every devoted Rabbitohs fan to apply for the positions which offer free flights, accommodation and meals to anyone willing to randomly pop up in a Souths jersey at major televised world events.
“South Sydney is not just the world’s most popular sporting team. It’s every NRL fan’s second team, and the goodwill transmitted by the famous jersey translates into any language and can help break the ice at international meetings. Plus, if Aussie diplomats are ever on the back foot, ambassadors can always distract delegates by explaining the meaning of ‘football’ in Australia.”
Albo then explained that rabbits make good eating and are in plentiful supply across our wide brown land, and thus symbolise Australia’s agricultural and export industries. They could also help lure tourists who love Hollywood animation, and hunters who love shooting invasive pests.
Roving Rabbitohs harnesses the popularity of Random Souths Guy, who used to be seen at rugby league games featuring other teams but is now a world-wide social media sensation. The cardinal and myrtle can pop up anywhere from the Tour de France to Mt Kilimanjaro.
Ambassadors can be sporting ambassadors or political and cultural ambassadors.
Sporting ambassadors who promise to wear the jersey have the opportunity to:
Eat strawberries and cream at Wimbledon
Dodge wildebeest at Migration Gravel Race in Kenya
Bring some decorum to Liv Golf
Savour primal tribalism at the Maracana in Rio de Janeiro
Marvel at the acrobatics of Sepaktakraw in Thailand
Pretend to understand Kabbadi on the sub-continent
Or learn Spanish expletives at Lucha Libre in Mexico City. Auditions will also be held for Australia’s first Lucha Libre wrestler – ‘El Conejito’.
Sporting diplomacy alone will not lead Australia to world domination, so political and cultural ambassadors are also being sought.
Thanks to Penny Wong, the Souths jersey is now recognised as official attire at UN meetings, presidential inaugurations and royal weddings, as well as the Eurovision Song Contest and the Met Gala.
“Penny’s a big fan of the bunnies,” Albo revealed, “…and she also thinks Latrell should be playing at centre.”
Fans with a penchant for de-escalation, dialogue and diplomacy are encouraged to apply via the Randwick City Council website, or by calling Albo.
Image: http://www.rabbitohs.com.au
First published in The Beast magazine, October 2025.
kieranblakewriter 