Secretive manoeuvres involving one of Australia’s most divisive politicians will force a permanent transformation of the suburb of More Park.
And residents are powerless to stop it.
The Beast has secured exclusive details of the heated discussions within covert meetings centred around an almost imperceptible change to the spelling of More Park, in line with plans to reduce the golf course to 9 holes.
The amendment to the suburb’s name is as subtle as the ‘one’ contribution Scott Morrison made to Australia while PM but will draw frenzied club-wielding golfers into our hitherto tranquil streets.
Golfers threaten to launch a campaign of rolling demonstrations as vitriolic as Sam Newman’s social media rants during COVID lockdowns, as the birdie hunters defend their values, freedoms and way of life. So violent would be the protests that locals really would be too scared to go out to restaurants.
Supporters of the change promise to confront the demonstrations with chants of ‘More Park, Less Golf!’.
Golfers know exactly who to blame.
“Clover Moore and Co are driving the destruction of our golf course,” one member teed off.
“The Greens want our greens and Clover wants to cover the course in rainbows and bike paths, then replace the golf carts with e-bikes.”
The Lord Mayor of Sydney supports the plan to open the reclaimed space to public use. Club members and social players from near and far argue Sydneysiders can go to Bondi for 9 holes of hit and giggle, but Mrs Moore’s supporters claim the change would honour the heritage of the space, which before 1867 was known as The Sydney Common.
Common is a profanity in the Eastern Suburbs.
One attendee at the clandestine meetings even went so far as to label Mrs Moore UnAustralian.
“She’s trying to stop us enjoying a beer with mates after a round, because if there’s no 18th hole, there’s no 19th hole.”
Opponents of the plan also accuse Mrs Moore and her leftist elites of plotting a far deeper conspiracy.
“More Park could still be known as Moore Park, but only to honour Clover,” they theorise.
“Do you know who the land was named after in the first place? You don’t have to do a deep dive to learn that it was Charles Moore, the Mayor of Sydney of Sydney City Council at the time. Now, don’t tell me that’s just a coincidence.”
Conspiracy theorists also point to Mrs Moore’s controversial bill to ban the sale of dogs, cats and other mammals in NSW pet stores in 2007, claiming that:
“If Clover steals half our golf course and gives it back to the public, the whole space will just be overrun by dogs.”
Image: Courtney Cook
First published in The Beast magazine, July, 2025.
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